I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
