Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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