the condom got lost in my hair
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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