I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
