Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
