Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
