Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
