If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
