all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
