i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
