Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
