can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
