The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
