TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
