my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
