It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
