PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
