We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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