He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
