I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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