ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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