I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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