she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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