your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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