You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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