I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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