I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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