I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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