This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
