dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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