turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
