I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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