The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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