i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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