I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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