Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
