I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
