Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
