i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
