He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
