Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Randomize
