I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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