Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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