i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
