I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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