I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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