I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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