You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
