final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
