you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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