it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
